Party Time

Every time I hear the words “Party Time” I can’t help but sing in my head… “Wayne’s World, Excellent.” And if you’re too young to know what I’m talking about, we can’t be friends anymore.

OK, enough of that. Over the weekend, little Miss Olive turned one. Can you believe that? It’s been a whole year that she has spent torturing lighting up our lives. We have had a few rough spots but we got through 12 whole months. This party that I threw was way more about me than it was about her. I’m sure this post is supposed to be all reflective about how wonderful the last year has been, but it really hasn’t been so this post isn’t going to be about that.

On to the party… I found some great ideas on Pintrest and then I sent them to Marni who was instantly sucked into my party planning vortex.  We had big amazing ideas, and we actually made it happen. Everything turned out beautifully and everyone was very impressed with us. We are ready to open our party planning business now.

Cake pops, Oreo Pops, Cake in a jar, dipped marshamallows, cookie pops, cake in a jar, handmade lollipops, mini cupcakes, oh my!

I actually took real pictures with my own camera, but my computer is still in the shop so, well, you get what’s on my iPhone and what I stole from Marni’s blog.

White chocolate dipped marshmallows... yum!

Aside from all the awesomeness that Marni and I created, Sean made an amazing pasta bar with to-die-for meatballs. Oh so good.

Do you see my adorable bunting I made? Ignore the idiot in the picture, that is just George, he is Marni’s husband. They make such a great pair.

You know what’s best about Marni? She just tells it to you straight. If she thinks you look like sh*t on any given day… she will let you know, then she will take you picture and make fun of you on her blog. Everyone needs a friend like that, right?

Oh! And my boss came to the party. I wish I had gotten a picture… he brought his lovely wife. I’ve been asking him to meet her for 2+ years now, usually by saying something like “I can’t wait to meet the woman that has chosen to marry you” (By the way, Hi Kevin!! ß My boss, he is reading this you know). Anyway his wife was great, funny in the subtle kind of way… I’m pretty sure she made fun of me and I didn’t even know it. I like her…a LOT, she has so much to teach me.

Oh and if you were hoping for cute little pictures of Olive, you’ll have to wait for those. Sorry, remember this party was mostly about me.

The First Time

Last night I got some wonderful news… my cousin and her awesome husband are expecting a baby! They really are a great couple, and she was born to be a mother… just like her mom was born to be a mother. I don’t think a baby could ever ask for a better family to be born into.  And for the first time, I felt a teeny tiny pang of jealousy, but not like you might think.

 I am not jealous of a new baby; I’m excited for them but so over ever wanting to have one of those again. What I am jealous of is that “first baby anticipation.” You know what I’m talking about, right?  With the first baby it’s just you and your partner in this together, so many hopes and dreams and wonderment over what this is all going to be like. Will we have a little boy or a little girl? What will we name him or her? Oh, and that moment when you realize how HUGE it is to name a baby… they will carry this around for life, it will define them in so many ways.

How about getting to come home and melt into the couch from the pure exhaustion that is a side effect of growing a new baby? There will never be a moment like that in your life again. I wouldn’t trade all the chaos in my home for anything, but once in a while I would hit the pause button if I could.  I didn’t love being pregnant with Natalee, I didn’t appreciate it and everything that it meant… but I do have wonderful memories of those months and how close I felt to my husband. We had the whole world sitting in front of us, and we were going to take it on together.

The books, oh the books… how are there SO MANY BOOKS? I read at least a hundred of them, telling me what I should expect. Worrying if something didn’t happen on the exact date that the books told me it would, breathing with relief when it did. I won’t even get into analyzing your body for those “early signs of labor” oh my, I never paid such close attention to my bodily functions!

And the most fun part of all… baby stuff! Oh my, I remember feeling like I needed every single thing in the baby aisle. Certainly my baby would never survive without a wipes warmer (useless) or those wedge things that keep them from moving (hint: they don’t move, no wedge necessary). I think I bought or was given every single type of infant soothing contraption available (people must have thought I wasn’t very soothing, go figure). But none of that matters, it was so much fun!

So, last night I let the girls stay up past their bedtimes and I watched them play and laugh together. I didn’t speak or intervene… I just let them enjoy each other. I may never have that first baby experience again, but I have many other great ones awaiting me.

Random, Uh... Monday

I miss Random Tuesday’s… they were so much fun. I’ve had some random thoughts lately, so why not just throw them all together?

I always order my Starbucks with whipped cream… I like to just eat it right off the top before I put the lid on, but I hate how it always slides away from me when I tip the cup, like it’s actually going to escape. In a perfect world I would get the coffee and then they would put the whipped cream straight into my mouth. Yum.

My Girl Scout cookies arrived yesterday, I bought 6 boxes and they are sitting in the pantry taunting me. A box is considered a single serving, right?

We are working on getting Natalee to give us full, honest answers. Lately when I say “What are you doing?” she answers “Nothing” which is code for: something I shouldn’t be doing.  So, we don’t allow “nothing” and she always has to give an answer, no matter how mundane her current activity. Last night she comes into the living room with 3 cans of tuna.

Natalee: Dad, what are these?

Sean: They are cans of tuna. Why did you take them out of the pantry?

Natalee: (Looks incredulous) because I can reach them.

I mean, why else would I have them??

Saturday night after the girls went to bed, I was in the bedroom watching TV that Sean doesn’t like (Grey’s & Private Practice), he came in about 12 times talking about random stuff and taking laundry with him. He stayed up until 2 am and finished, folded & hung up all the laundry.  He said that his neck was bothering him so he took a pain killer. Apparently, they make him kind of wound up and want to clean. I need to find more of them then crush them up and put them in his food. That is the best side effect I’ve ever heard of.

Friday night I went to the ‘Pink Out’ gymnastics meet at Oregon State. We go every year and always have a lot of fun. This year I brought Marni along, because that is always entertaining. Good news for those who are close by… Marni and I will be making tons of delicious treats for Olive’s birthday party, this girl can bake!

Taking my picture with Marni is kind of like taking it with a celebrity. Kind of.

My sister and I at the meet... and half of Olive's head behind me.

Senses

I've been running this update around in my head for a few days, and I just can't seem to come up with any sort of eloquent way to write it or any stories that will tie it all together. I guess sometimes an update is just an update, nothing more and nothing less. We got some news last week, it has been hard on us but we are trying to take it in and decide where we need to go and how we are supposed to get there.

 At Olive’s last appointment at the Big Hospital in December she was 20/270 in both eyes, it isn’t great but it was hopeful that both eyes were the same, which was our short term goal. We patch her “good” eye to strengthen the “bad” one for an hour a day; it is the most heartbreaking hour. As soon as we put the patch on her she starts screaming, arching her back and flailing her arms around. We usually feed her with it on so that she has something to keep her occupied. We also have to put mittens on her because she will just rip the patch off, so we deprive her of strengthening her motor skills during that time.

Last week, Sean took her back to Portland because I had to work and couldn’t get off to go with him. I knew things were worse, but I thought it would be a minor change. It had been my understanding that any vision that she gained is what she would have, we can strengthen her eyes but the condition is not progressive, things should not get worse. But they did. She is now around 20/300 in her “good” eye and somewhere around 20/600 in her “bad” eye. We have been told to try patching her for 2 hours per day. It is so hard… I can only feed her for so long and keeping her occupied is getting harder each day, she just wants to explore all the time.

The other day I picked her up at daycare and she didn’t recognize me until I talked to her. If I’m not right up in her face her eyes are looking at my mouth instead of my eyes. These things aren’t huge but I realize that they are so typical of the blind population. She is part of that population. I am sad and scared, but I’m also a little excited for all of the things that we are going to learn together. I’m looking forward to all the amazing people that we are going to meet.

When I get right in her face, with our noses almost touching she gets this big squishy, toothy grin and grabs my face like “Hey! I know you!” At least I know that she knows what I look like, and she certainly knows what I sound like. I ran out of perfume the other day and was thinking about getting something new. I think Olive knows me by smell too, I wonder if new perfume will throw her off at all? Should I pick something that is likely to be around for a long time, something that she will smell as an adult and think of me? Just like my own memories of Chanel No. 5 and my mom… I think we all have memories associated with all of our senses, what are yours?

originally uploaded by LyndzK1.

Patch,

Perfection

I used to think that children with disabilities were born to extraordinary women.  I thought that these women were so amazing that they were given the most special children to care for.  I also knew that I certainly was not one of those women.  If I were to be given a child that special, certainly I would crumble under the weight of that stress.

From the moment I found out that I was pregnant with Olive, I knew that something was “off” but never knew what it was.  It wasn’t the pregnancy itself, which was actually pretty great as far as pregnancies go. I pushed and pushed my doctors until they gave in to more testing.  Before we left that day I asked Sean “What do we do if we find out something is wrong?” he told me that those were the moments that define people lives. “We can’t decide that now, because we aren’t there now. We may have some hard choices.”  We had a big hug and then headed to Portland to the Big Hospital.

At that appointment we were told that Olive had a Single Umbilical Artery (SUA), it had the potential to be a problem but we would monitor closely and once she was born there would be nothing more to worry about. Phew!  I was officially “high risk” at that point and had a monthly date with the high risk clinic; we had a couple bumps but mostly the road was smooth sailing.

When Olive was born and we learned about her eyes, I was scared. I didn’t think I could handle a baby that was anything other than “perfect.” I am ashamed to say that I spent much of her first few weeks disappointed in what I had been given.  A lot has changed since then.  Before I was ever pregnant, if I had been given a choice: you can have no baby, or you can have a baby with a defect, I would honestly have chosen: No Baby. Remember, I was not one of those women. I was also not given a choice.  If I was asked today if I would change a single thing about her, I wouldn’t. I would not want her any other way. I would choose her just the way she is.

Those women, the ones that are so extraordinary… I’ve learned that they aren’t given special children because they are extraordinary, their children made them extraordinary. No, I don’t think that I am extraordinary, but I do think that Olive has made me a better person and a better mother. I finally understand why I had never ever heard a single complaint from a mother of a child with special needs.  I can almost guarantee you that those mothers wouldn’t change a single thing about their children. I think we would remove the hardships that they may face and we would erase any pain that may result, but nothing about them would change.

Sean is taking Olive back to the Big Hospital today for her check up (I couldn’t get off work). In the last few weeks her vision seems to have taken a huge downward turn.  I am actually not really concerned about it, we will take whatever we have and we will deal and move forward.  She started work last week with Early Intervention to help her catch up and keep up developmentally.  I wish you all could see her and snuggle her and love on her. I wish that you all could feel how special she makes me feel… I have been trusted with the most amazing of all gifts.

FAF, 5QF, Oh My!

It’s Friday! Happy dance time! (Don’t try to picture it, it isn’t pretty).

I wasn’t sure if I should join in with Fat Ass Friday, or 5 Question Friday… then I decided that I would just do both, and maybe a little extra random what-not thrown in.

I went to see Dr. Yummy on Wednesday and he gave me the go ahead to start working with my trainer again, which is good because I had already started on Tuesday. My body is sore, my shoulder hurts but I think that is to be expected. My trainer is working around my restrictions but kicking my ass just the same. I can’t believe how fast you lose strength and tone but I’m anxious to get it back.

I see Dr. Yummy again in 6 weeks, I’m going to take my camera and make someone take our picture together (his nurse is my uncle’s sister so it’s almost like we’re family, right? Except that you can’t run off into the sunset with family, so maybe not).

So for the FAF portion of the post: Since starting Weight Watchers in June (I think that’s when it was), I went from 185 pounds and am currently 147 pounds (I can NOT believe I just put that on the internet). I’m pretty happy with where I am weight-wise and glad that I didn’t gain during my recovery and the holidays. If I could get down another 5 pounds I would be thrilled but I’m not going to be disappointed if I can’t get there, it may be a little out of realistic reach.  Some friends and I did some bridesmaid dress shopping over the weekend and I actually had a lot of fun putting on those cute little dresses!

OK, time for 5QF:

1.       What have you done recently that you are proud of?

This is pretty silly for a lot of people, but I have had Braces, appliances or some sort of retainers every single day of my life since the 3^rd grade. I was born missing my lateral incisor on the left and only a little teeny tiny one on the right. On Monday I had my crown placed in the implant that was done in July (it takes 6 months to heal). I finally ate an apple whole and have no orthodontic “work” going on. Probably this summer I will have the other one pulled (it has a crown on it now) and have another implant, but I want to enjoy a little freedom and a few apples (and carrots!) until then.

2.       What is your favorite way to work out? Or if you don't workout, what are you wanting to try?

I love working with my trainer… we only work for 30-40 minutes, but he doesn’t let up the whole time and makes me do things I would never do on my own. I love having someone to kick me into shape. I wouldn’t mind learning to box either (just for the workout, I don’t actually want anyone to hit me).

3.       If you knew you best friend was cheating on spouse would you tell?

Only if I knew, 100% for sure without a doubt, proof to show. If I suspected, I would have to have a serious, private talk with the “accused offender” but to be wrong about something like that would be completely devastating to so many people.

4.       If you could afford a live-in maid or nanny, would you have one?

Hell yes, let me state that again… HELL YES!! I can’t afford it, but if you want to come anyway… be my guest. I would love to come home to a clean house and to be able to leave the house, alone, anytime I wanted.

5.       Do you stress out about birthdays (specifically the age) or do you enjoy them?

I stressed about my last one (turning 30), but other than that not really. Stressing isn’t going to make the day get here any slower. I try to think of all I’ve accomplished in my years and that usually makes me feel ok about things.

For more Fat Ass Friday, Visit Brandy here:

For more 5QF, visit Mama M here:

LiftOff

Last night I got a phone call… I was lying haphazardly on the sofa with a blanket sort of half-watching the football game, according to what I saw on Facebook it must have been a big game. Whatever. In the midst of this, my phone rings with a number I don’t recognize from out of state. I almost hit ignore but decided I was curious about who was on the other end. “Is this Lindsey?” the voice was kind and sweet so I answered cautiously (I’m always leery of numbers I don’t know)… after a round of somewhat awkward introductions I learned I was talking to a woman named Alana, the wife of one of my co-workers, Evan.  Evan isn’t a co-worker that I know well, we work in different departments and he is very quiet (this may surprise you, but I’ve never in my life been described as any form of “quiet”).  I was about to experience the most inspiring & intriguing 45 minutes of my life as a parent (so far). I guess I’ll back up and explain how this all came about…

Back in September, my co-worker Melissa was attending a U of O football game (I know, I know… but I still like her anyway) and on the shuttle to the game she ran into Evan and his soon-to-be-wife, Alana. On that Monday Melissa came to me and said “I met Evan’s fiancé this weekend, she was lovely, outgoing and had the most unique eyes I’ve ever seen.” I looked at her for a minute, wondering if she was going where I thought she was… “I think she has the same eyes as Olive. I think you should go talk to him.” After a few rounds of figuring out how to bring it up to someone that I’ve barely said ‘Hello’ to, I was off and running… and he was off on his honeymoon for a few weeks. Argh. I checked out all the photos in his cubicle, she was beautiful but she was wearing sunglasses in every photo. That made perfect sense. When he finally came back I fumbled through an uncomfortable conversation with him. I was really scared of offending him, and I think I was just about to until I told him about Olive. I asked if he would ask if his wife was willing to talk to me. I didn’t hear anything from him again. I approached him again a couple weeks ago and left my number with him, really hoping that she would call…

After getting through the start of the conversation, I explained what Olive had and learned that Alana has nearly the same thing. It sounds like there may be a few differences, but in general… they are pretty close. Close counts with a condition this rare. From here, I just asked her to tell me about her life, I could have listened to her for hours upon hours. The entire time I was talking to her, Olive sat on the floor, staring at me without moving or making a sound, it was like she knew something big was happening.  With every word my heart getting lighter, letting go of fears that I didn’t even know I had. Alana told me that her vision is definitely affected but she can drive, she played sports,  she loves to ski & snowboard, graduated from college & has a great career… The kids in school thought it was awesome, it was the first thing Evan noticed about her; she doesn’t like fireworks and can’t see 3D.  Trivial things to most people, but I went to bed and slept soundly, for the first time in exactly 10 months & 19 days.