Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Confessions


Warning: This post is full of sarcasm and not-so-positive things.
I need to make a few little confessions here. I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the need to get these things out of my head, like just knowing myself what a horrible human I am isn't quite enough for me… It's been about 15 months, and I'm not sure that I love being a mommy. In fact, there are times that I don't even like it. I love my daughter more than anything in the whole world and I would lay down my life over and over to protect her. But, I'm so sick of the fakery and pretending. Everyone is always all smiles and wonderment, and "being a mom is the greatest job in the world." I am totally over the competition, my kid did this, that, and the other thing before yours! Natalee is almost 15 months and she hardly says any words, I wasn't worried until I heard what "other" kids are able to say. Uh-oh, she didn't do it first and best, I must be terrible at this "job" of mine. Guess I won't get that raise I was hoping for. Maybe she will never start to speak because of my terrible skills. On top of this, people expect another one to come along at some point. Guess what? It probably won't happen, maybe it will, but don't hold your breath. Maybe we should have had another one right away before I understood what I was getting into, but now that I know… Maybe puppies are a better bet for us. Oh, but then I'm cheating her by not giving her a sibling. Mommy Fail, again.
And on top of that, who needs sibling rivalry? I've got big people rivalry to deal with. Let me just say this: Natalee is one, she loves everyone the same amount, she is incapable of favoring one over the other. If you give her milk, a cookie, a hug or pucker up for a kiss, you're golden, play hide & seek or peak-a-boo and it's Game On. Regardless of what photos get posted here or there, she is very very well loved, by everyone, equally. Let's be happy about that, mkay?
End of rant, commence fire throwing in 3…2…1…

6 comments:

Brandy said...

I totally get it! I love grayson sooooo much. But i'm tired. I feel defeated a lot. I feel like I don't have a life anymore. I think if I couldn't go to work - I would lose my mind. And siblings - ugh - like i've said before everyday grayson gets older - that is a day closer to independence.

Brandy said...

oh ya and grayson doesnt talk either. he says me - me - me but it's to everything

Lyndsay said...

Aw Lindsey, I'm sorry you are feeling crappy. I'm one of those who thinks that being a mom is great BUT I also recognize that it is the hardest, most demanding, least appreciated job out there. And although I, like you, love my daughter like crazy, I couldn't be a stay at home mom 24-7. No way. I'm a much better mom because I don't have to be a mom ALL the time.

And the mommy-rivalry? - so stupid. Stay away from those people.

Jill said...

No worries about babies being different. My cousin and my brother are 5 days apart. At 9 months, my cousin could run; my brother didn't even try to stand up until after his first birthday. My aunt told my mother that my brother wouldn't be as good at sports as her son was because he had short legs and was slower about doing stuff. The truth was, my brother is a multi-talented athlete and was top in all sports in high school. My cousin on the other hand was the slowest in high school and wasn't that great at sports. Just goes to show you that their lives aren't decided while they are toddlers.

designHER Momma said...

I love honesty (you know that about me). It feels good to get it off your chest, and I can guarantee you are not alone in how you feel.

Melissa said...

I don't have children but I know what you mean about everyone thinks you should be happy so you pretend. After a while you get so sick of smiling when all you want to do is cry.

Things got better for me, I'm sure they will for you too.