Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Redirection & Other Random Thoughs

Things have been tough for me lately (obviously), and I'm tired of it. I got to a point a few weeks ago, where I thought that it just couldn't get worse and I hated that I felt that way. I wasn't ever depressed, but I was agitated, I had a terribly negative attitude, and I blamed everything on everyone else. I had shut almost everyone out and was throwing myself a pity party pretty much everyday.
I completely shut out my best friend in the whole world, probably when she needed me most, but all I could see was me and my issues. The funny thing was that I wanted so bad to get over it, and I just couldn't get there.
Then, I did something very foreign to me... I made an appointment to see a counselor. As the appointment approached, I seriously considered cancelling, and then it got too late to cancel and I was like "whatever, I'll just go this once and then forget I ever did that." I didn't tell anyone I was going, not even my husband. I thought everyone would think that I was weak and all sorts of other crazy things (really, why do I care what people think?).
Anyway, I went to the appointment and ohmygosh I feel so much better. In just 50 short minutes, a stranger made me feel like I was so normal and I started to let go of all that stupid stuff I've been wrestling with in my head. I came home and told Sean that I went, and he was so proud of me, I couldn't believe it!
And then I made the hardest call I've ever made, I called my friend and I tried to let her know I was there for her. I felt like I had to hang my head, tuck my tail between my legs and beg for forgiveness... but there was none of that. Man, I miss her like crazy, but I think I'm finally on the right track. And, I am actually looking forward to going back next week...

In other news, I'm afraid I won't get a You Capture up this week... I just can't seem to find anything good for "reaching." Its a great theme, but it's a hard one. We'll see if I come across anything tomorrow at work.

I'm finally sleeping again, I'm down to only 2.5 mg of Ambien a night (not long ago, I was taking 15mg). I guess you have to taper off, so I think I'm doing a good job and I feel so good! My hope is to be sleeping all on my own by next month.

I got my braces on on Monday morning, this is my third time with braces (it will be my 8th year). I feel really super self concious about them and I have a lisp now. Sean thinks the lisp is hilarious. What would he know, he was born with totally perfect teeth. Hope Natalee gets those! I've eaten only mashed potatoes for 3 days now, I don't remember them hurting so much before, but I probably just forgot.

It is now 9:30 and way past my bedtime... good night all!

4 comments:

Peppermint Ph.D. said...

Lindsey, never feel funny about taking care of yourself...of course, me telling you that is like the pot calling the kettle black...but you can't do everything. I think the world would be a much better place if we all saw therapists :) Hang in there.

Brandy said...

I'm so glad you went to counseling. I'm a big fan of counseling. Chris and I have been 3 times over our marriage and I have to say it saved us.

Lyndsay said...

Aw Lindsey, I'm sorry you've been struggling, but I'm glad that things are looking up. Good for you to go to that counselling session! I'm glad it helped and that Sean was supportive.
Sorry about the teeth though - youch. If I was closer I would come over and make you a smoothie. :)

Colleen said...

Counseling is a good thing and it takes courage to get out there and get it. I am a wimp. I have often thought that I should get counseling for one reason or another, but have never done it.

Good luck with the braces! I'm sure your teeth will feel better soon.