Things have been tough for me lately (obviously), and I'm tired of it. I got to a point a few weeks ago, where I thought that it just couldn't get worse and I hated that I felt that way. I wasn't ever depressed, but I was agitated, I had a terribly negative attitude, and I blamed everything on everyone else. I had shut almost everyone out and was throwing myself a pity party pretty much everyday.
I completely shut out my best friend in the whole world, probably when she needed me most, but all I could see was me and my issues. The funny thing was that I wanted so bad to get over it, and I just couldn't get there.
Then, I did something very foreign to me... I made an appointment to see a counselor. As the appointment approached, I seriously considered cancelling, and then it got too late to cancel and I was like "whatever, I'll just go this once and then forget I ever did that." I didn't tell anyone I was going, not even my husband. I thought everyone would think that I was weak and all sorts of other crazy things (really, why do I care what people think?).
Anyway, I went to the appointment and ohmygosh I feel so much better. In just 50 short minutes, a stranger made me feel like I was so normal and I started to let go of all that stupid stuff I've been wrestling with in my head. I came home and told Sean that I went, and he was so proud of me, I couldn't believe it!
And then I made the hardest call I've ever made, I called my friend and I tried to let her know I was there for her. I felt like I had to hang my head, tuck my tail between my legs and beg for forgiveness... but there was none of that. Man, I miss her like crazy, but I think I'm finally on the right track. And, I am actually looking forward to going back next week...
In other news, I'm afraid I won't get a You Capture up this week... I just can't seem to find anything good for "reaching." Its a great theme, but it's a hard one. We'll see if I come across anything tomorrow at work.
I'm finally sleeping again, I'm down to only 2.5 mg of Ambien a night (not long ago, I was taking 15mg). I guess you have to taper off, so I think I'm doing a good job and I feel so good! My hope is to be sleeping all on my own by next month.
I got my braces on on Monday morning, this is my third time with braces (it will be my 8th year). I feel really super self concious about them and I have a lisp now. Sean thinks the lisp is hilarious. What would he know, he was born with totally perfect teeth. Hope Natalee gets those! I've eaten only mashed potatoes for 3 days now, I don't remember them hurting so much before, but I probably just forgot.
It is now 9:30 and way past my bedtime... good night all!
5 days ago