I've written before about my struggles as a parent, and I've worked through those struggles. I went to a counselor and figured out some better ways of dealing with the hard parts. And, I'm actually doing pretty good with those hard parts. So much better, in fact, that we decided that we were ready to have another little one. We are thrilled to be expecting again... but I feel like I'm really faltering as a mother again. When I was pregnant with Natalee I was sick, but not too bad and not for too long. I'm 11 weeks pregnant (tomorrow), and I just can't seem to shake this sickness. I'm exhausted, nauseous, cranky, you name it... I'm it. I find myself snapping at Natalee instead of trying to help her understand what she did wrong. Then I feel horrible for it. I didn't anticipate being sick for this long, and I certainly didn't expect the emotional toll that being sick for so long can take.
Yesterday Sean got invited to go Tuna fishing, and he was actually excited to go. This is a pretty big deal because he hasn't wanted much to do with water or boats or fishing since his accident. I told him to go, have fun and relax. What I was thinking in my head was: "Please don't leave me, I can't take care of Natalee all by myself anymore, I can hardly take care of myself these days." What kind of a mother can't take care of her only child for 2 days? And how am I ever going to do it with 2? I'm so scared of life with 2 kids that I sometimes can't even imagine it, I try and it just doesn't come to life in my head.
I like to think I'm not the only parent to feel this way... but how do you deal with it?
6 days ago