Monday, August 16, 2010

Falling Down

I've written before about my struggles as a parent, and I've worked through those struggles. I went to a counselor and figured out some better ways of dealing with the hard parts. And, I'm actually doing pretty good with those hard parts. So much better, in fact, that we decided that we were ready to have another little one. We are thrilled to be expecting again... but I feel like I'm really faltering as a mother again. When I was pregnant with Natalee I was sick, but not too bad and not for too long. I'm 11 weeks pregnant (tomorrow), and I just can't seem to shake this sickness. I'm exhausted, nauseous, cranky, you name it... I'm it. I find myself snapping at Natalee instead of trying to help her understand what she did wrong. Then I feel horrible for it. I didn't anticipate being sick for this long, and I certainly didn't expect the emotional toll that being sick for so long can take.
Yesterday Sean got invited to go Tuna fishing, and he was actually excited to go. This is a pretty big deal because he hasn't wanted much to do with water or boats or fishing since his accident. I told him to go, have fun and relax. What I was thinking in my head was: "Please don't leave me, I can't take care of Natalee all by myself anymore, I can hardly take care of myself these days." What kind of a mother can't take care of her only child for 2 days? And how am I ever going to do it with 2? I'm so scared of life with 2 kids that I sometimes can't even imagine it, I try and it just doesn't come to life in my head.
I like to think I'm not the only parent to feel this way... but how do you deal with it?


Brandy said...

I'm sorry. I can't imagine being that sick and still having to deal with Grayson. When I have no patience - I just try to remember that he doesn't understand why I'm upset/frustrated and it just hurts his heart. I hope you feel better - soon - really really soon.

Lyndsay said...

I'm sorry Lindsey... I wasn't too sick with Munchie, but I remember being SO. FREAKING. TIRED. And I'm sure I would not have been a good mother to a toddler if I had one during those weeks/months.

I too dread the weekends that Hubby is away or not home a lot. I've found that it's easier to get through solo-parenting when there are some fun things on the schedule. It sometimes makes it more tiring, but for me a chaotic playdate is often less draining than playing Barbies and pretending all day.

Or how about you just get on a plane and fly here. I'll play with your cutie all day and you can nap.

Karen said...

So sorry I am so far away but you will get through this and you just need to realize you are not expected to be super-mom. Take as much time as you can with little Natalee before she becomes the big sister. Maybe plan time for YOU - bubble baths have always relaxed you - rest when you can. I hope the sickness passes quickly. XOXO

Amaprincess said...

You aren't just taking care of your only child while your husband is gone. You are growing your new child and giving that baby everything they need to become your other child. Being tired and feeling sick is normal (as everyone keeps telling me when I beat myself up about it!). It's not a bad thing if you need help! You count too =)