Wednesday, December 28, 2011

This

This morning I looked at the calendar and remembered that it’s almost my old college boyfriend’s birthday. We will be camping over the weekend so I decided I’d give him a call… of course I had to google his workplace for a phone number since I didn’t have that anymore. I was actually kind of nervous, I felt like I was in high school again calling a cute boy. Not like I was a happily married mother of 2 calling an old friend. Funny.  Anyway, I think he was pretty surprised to hear from me but it was fun to catch up real quick. (Before anyone gets all “what are you thinking!” on me, my husband knows all about the old boyfriend and even stated: he’s totally cool, I guess I can see why you dated him” It’s all good. Sean is all good.
He is probably on my mind because when we were dating he took me on all kinds of extreme sports adventures; I spent more of our relationship in a cast than out of one (no joke).  After a fateful day of mountain bike racing with him, I had a very badly broken shoulder, full of pins… the same shoulder that needed the repair I just had. 
Anyway, this post isn’t really about him… the whole thing just got me thinking about how different things are now. I’m a grown-up, a real live grown-up. It feels like in the blink of an eye I went from a twin bed, studio apartment, top ramen and all night cram sessions to two homes, mortgages, a (wonderful) husband, career, beautiful girls and driving an SUV.  In a lot of ways I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished, in other ways… I’m a little sad. You work your tail off to get somewhere and then one day suddenly notice “I’m there, this is it.” I know that I won’t have any more babies, I probably won’t ever buy another home… these are good things, but they are still kind of… I don’t know if sad is the right word, maybe “affecting” or “poignant” are better.
If my life ended today, would I look down at it and feel proud of what I accomplished? Yes, definitely. If I could go back and change the way I did certain things? Of course (Insert Darius Rucker Song This right now…). I suppose at this point is when we turn our focus to our children and start working to make sure that they have all those moments that my husband and I have been fortunate enough to have experienced.  That is what it’s all about, isn’t it? (Well, and looking good in your new jeans while you’re doing it.)

2 comments:

Amie said...

I wouldn't even know how to get in contact with my ex. His birthday is next week. Oh well. You're a better person than I am (like that's news).

Brandy@YDK said...

good for you. sometimes the this is it is hard for me.