Last night I got some wonderful news… my cousin and her awesome husband are expecting a baby! They really are a great couple, and she was born to be a mother… just like her mom was born to be a mother. I don’t think a baby could ever ask for a better family to be born into. And for the first time, I felt a teeny tiny pang of jealousy, but not like you might think.
I am not jealous of a new baby; I’m excited for them but so over ever wanting to have one of those again. What I am jealous of is that “first baby anticipation.” You know what I’m talking about, right? With the first baby it’s just you and your partner in this together, so many hopes and dreams and wonderment over what this is all going to be like. Will we have a little boy or a little girl? What will we name him or her? Oh, and that moment when you realize how HUGE it is to name a baby… they will carry this around for life, it will define them in so many ways.
How about getting to come home and melt into the couch from the pure exhaustion that is a side effect of growing a new baby? There will never be a moment like that in your life again. I wouldn’t trade all the chaos in my home for anything, but once in a while I would hit the pause button if I could. I didn’t love being pregnant with Natalee, I didn’t appreciate it and everything that it meant… but I do have wonderful memories of those months and how close I felt to my husband. We had the whole world sitting in front of us, and we were going to take it on together.
The books, oh the books… how are there SO MANY BOOKS? I read at least a hundred of them, telling me what I should expect. Worrying if something didn’t happen on the exact date that the books told me it would, breathing with relief when it did. I won’t even get into analyzing your body for those “early signs of labor” oh my, I never paid such close attention to my bodily functions!
And the most fun part of all… baby stuff! Oh my, I remember feeling like I needed every single thing in the baby aisle. Certainly my baby would never survive without a wipes warmer (useless) or those wedge things that keep them from moving (hint: they don’t move, no wedge necessary). I think I bought or was given every single type of infant soothing contraption available (people must have thought I wasn’t very soothing, go figure). But none of that matters, it was so much fun!
So, last night I let the girls stay up past their bedtimes and I watched them play and laugh together. I didn’t speak or intervene… I just let them enjoy each other. I may never have that first baby experience again, but I have many other great ones awaiting me.