Austin Antics

Random, Uh... Monday

2012-02-20T07:52:00.003-08:00

I miss Random Tuesday’s… they were so much fun. I’ve had some random thoughts lately, so why not just throw them all together?

I always order my Starbucks with whipped cream… I like to just eat it right off the top before I put the lid on, but I hate how it always slides away from me when I tip the cup, like it’s actually going to escape. In a perfect world I would get the coffee and then they would put the whipped cream straight into my mouth. Yum.

My Girl Scout cookies arrived yesterday, I bought 6 boxes and they are sitting in the pantry taunting me. A box is considered a single serving, right?

We are working on getting Natalee to give us full, honest answers. Lately when I say “What are you doing?” she answers “Nothing” which is code for: something I shouldn’t be doing. So, we don’t allow “nothing” and she always has to give an answer, no matter how mundane her current activity. Last night she comes into the living room with 3 cans of tuna.

Natalee: Dad, what are these?

Sean: They are cans of tuna. Why did you take them out of the pantry?

Natalee: (Looks incredulous) because I can reach them.

I mean, why else would I have them??

Saturday night after the girls went to bed, I was in the bedroom watching TV that Sean doesn’t like (Grey’s & Private Practice), he came in about 12 times talking about random stuff and taking laundry with him. He stayed up until 2 am and finished, folded & hung up all the laundry. He said that his neck was bothering him so he took a pain killer. Apparently, they make him kind of wound up and want to clean. I need to find more of them then crush them up and put them in his food. That is the best side effect I’ve ever heard of.

Friday night I went to the ‘Pink Out’ gymnastics meet at Oregon State. We go every year and always have a lot of fun. This year I brought Marni along, because that is always entertaining. Good news for those who are close by… Marni and I will be making tons of delicious treats for Olive’s birthday party, this girl can bake!

Taking my picture with Marni is kind of like taking it with a celebrity. Kind of.

My sister and I at the meet... and half of Olive's head behind me.

Senses

2012-02-15T07:33:00.001-08:00

I've been running this update around in my head for a few days, and I just can't seem to come up with any sort of eloquent way to write it or any stories that will tie it all together. I guess sometimes an update is just an update, nothing more and nothing less. We got some news last week, it has been hard on us but we are trying to take it in and decide where we need to go and how we are supposed to get there.

At Olive’s last appointment at the Big Hospital in December she was 20/270 in both eyes, it isn’t great but it was hopeful that both eyes were the same, which was our short term goal. We patch her “good” eye to strengthen the “bad” one for an hour a day; it is the most heartbreaking hour. As soon as we put the patch on her she starts screaming, arching her back and flailing her arms around. We usually feed her with it on so that she has something to keep her occupied. We also have to put mittens on her because she will just rip the patch off, so we deprive her of strengthening her motor skills during that time.

Last week, Sean took her back to Portland because I had to work and couldn’t get off to go with him. I knew things were worse, but I thought it would be a minor change. It had been my understanding that any vision that she gained is what she would have, we can strengthen her eyes but the condition is not progressive, things should not get worse. But they did. She is now around 20/300 in her “good” eye and somewhere around 20/600 in her “bad” eye. We have been told to try patching her for 2 hours per day. It is so hard… I can only feed her for so long and keeping her occupied is getting harder each day, she just wants to explore all the time.

The other day I picked her up at daycare and she didn’t recognize me until I talked to her. If I’m not right up in her face her eyes are looking at my mouth instead of my eyes. These things aren’t huge but I realize that they are so typical of the blind population. She is part of that population. I am sad and scared, but I’m also a little excited for all of the things that we are going to learn together. I’m looking forward to all the amazing people that we are going to meet.

When I get right in her face, with our noses almost touching she gets this big squishy, toothy grin and grabs my face like “Hey! I know you!” At least I know that she knows what I look like, and she certainly knows what I sound like. I ran out of perfume the other day and was thinking about getting something new. I think Olive knows me by smell too, I wonder if new perfume will throw her off at all? Should I pick something that is likely to be around for a long time, something that she will smell as an adult and think of me? Just like my own memories of Chanel No. 5 and my mom… I think we all have memories associated with all of our senses, what are yours?

originally uploaded by LyndzK1.

Patch,

Perfection

2012-02-09T07:49:00.001-08:00

I used to think that children with disabilities were born to extraordinary women. I thought that these women were so amazing that they were given the most special children to care for. I also knew that I certainly was not one of those women. If I were to be given a child that special, certainly I would crumble under the weight of that stress.

From the moment I found out that I was pregnant with Olive, I knew that something was “off” but never knew what it was. It wasn’t the pregnancy itself, which was actually pretty great as far as pregnancies go. I pushed and pushed my doctors until they gave in to more testing. Before we left that day I asked Sean “What do we do if we find out something is wrong?” he told me that those were the moments that define people lives. “We can’t decide that now, because we aren’t there now. We may have some hard choices.” We had a big hug and then headed to Portland to the Big Hospital.

At that appointment we were told that Olive had a Single Umbilical Artery (SUA), it had the potential to be a problem but we would monitor closely and once she was born there would be nothing more to worry about. Phew! I was officially “high risk” at that point and had a monthly date with the high risk clinic; we had a couple bumps but mostly the road was smooth sailing.

When Olive was born and we learned about her eyes, I was scared. I didn’t think I could handle a baby that was anything other than “perfect.” I am ashamed to say that I spent much of her first few weeks disappointed in what I had been given. A lot has changed since then. Before I was ever pregnant, if I had been given a choice: you can have no baby, or you can have a baby with a defect, I would honestly have chosen: No Baby. Remember, I was not one of those women. I was also not given a choice. If I was asked today if I would change a single thing about her, I wouldn’t. I would not want her any other way. I would choose her just the way she is.

Those women, the ones that are so extraordinary… I’ve learned that they aren’t given special children because they are extraordinary, their children made them extraordinary. No, I don’t think that I am extraordinary, but I do think that Olive has made me a better person and a better mother. I finally understand why I had never ever heard a single complaint from a mother of a child with special needs. I can almost guarantee you that those mothers wouldn’t change a single thing about their children. I think we would remove the hardships that they may face and we would erase any pain that may result, but nothing about them would change.

Sean is taking Olive back to the Big Hospital today for her check up (I couldn’t get off work). In the last few weeks her vision seems to have taken a huge downward turn. I am actually not really concerned about it, we will take whatever we have and we will deal and move forward. She started work last week with Early Intervention to help her catch up and keep up developmentally. I wish you all could see her and snuggle her and love on her. I wish that you all could feel how special she makes me feel… I have been trusted with the most amazing of all gifts.

FAF, 5QF, Oh My!

2012-02-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

It’s Friday! Happy dance time! (Don’t try to picture it, it isn’t pretty).

I wasn’t sure if I should join in with Fat Ass Friday, or 5 Question Friday… then I decided that I would just do both, and maybe a little extra random what-not thrown in.

I went to see Dr. Yummy on Wednesday and he gave me the go ahead to start working with my trainer again, which is good because I had already started on Tuesday. My body is sore, my shoulder hurts but I think that is to be expected. My trainer is working around my restrictions but kicking my ass just the same. I can’t believe how fast you lose strength and tone but I’m anxious to get it back.

I see Dr. Yummy again in 6 weeks, I’m going to take my camera and make someone take our picture together (his nurse is my uncle’s sister so it’s almost like we’re family, right? Except that you can’t run off into the sunset with family, so maybe not).

So for the FAF portion of the post: Since starting Weight Watchers in June (I think that’s when it was), I went from 185 pounds and am currently 147 pounds (I can NOT believe I just put that on the internet). I’m pretty happy with where I am weight-wise and glad that I didn’t gain during my recovery and the holidays. If I could get down another 5 pounds I would be thrilled but I’m not going to be disappointed if I can’t get there, it may be a little out of realistic reach. Some friends and I did some bridesmaid dress shopping over the weekend and I actually had a lot of fun putting on those cute little dresses!

OK, time for 5QF:

1. What have you done recently that you are proud of?

This is pretty silly for a lot of people, but I have had Braces, appliances or some sort of retainers every single day of my life since the 3^rd grade. I was born missing my lateral incisor on the left and only a little teeny tiny one on the right. On Monday I had my crown placed in the implant that was done in July (it takes 6 months to heal). I finally ate an apple whole and have no orthodontic “work” going on. Probably this summer I will have the other one pulled (it has a crown on it now) and have another implant, but I want to enjoy a little freedom and a few apples (and carrots!) until then.

2. What is your favorite way to work out? Or if you don't workout, what are you wanting to try?

I love working with my trainer… we only work for 30-40 minutes, but he doesn’t let up the whole time and makes me do things I would never do on my own. I love having someone to kick me into shape. I wouldn’t mind learning to box either (just for the workout, I don’t actually want anyone to hit me).

3. If you knew you best friend was cheating on spouse would you tell?

Only if I knew, 100% for sure without a doubt, proof to show. If I suspected, I would have to have a serious, private talk with the “accused offender” but to be wrong about something like that would be completely devastating to so many people.

4. If you could afford a live-in maid or nanny, would you have one?

Hell yes, let me state that again… HELL YES!! I can’t afford it, but if you want to come anyway… be my guest. I would love to come home to a clean house and to be able to leave the house, alone, anytime I wanted.

5. Do you stress out about birthdays (specifically the age) or do you enjoy them?

I stressed about my last one (turning 30), but other than that not really. Stressing isn’t going to make the day get here any slower. I try to think of all I’ve accomplished in my years and that usually makes me feel ok about things.

For more Fat Ass Friday, Visit Brandy here:

For more 5QF, visit Mama M here:

LiftOff

2012-01-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

Last night I got a phone call… I was lying haphazardly on the sofa with a blanket sort of half-watching the football game, according to what I saw on Facebook it must have been a big game. Whatever. In the midst of this, my phone rings with a number I don’t recognize from out of state. I almost hit ignore but decided I was curious about who was on the other end. “Is this Lindsey?” the voice was kind and sweet so I answered cautiously (I’m always leery of numbers I don’t know)… after a round of somewhat awkward introductions I learned I was talking to a woman named Alana, the wife of one of my co-workers, Evan. Evan isn’t a co-worker that I know well, we work in different departments and he is very quiet (this may surprise you, but I’ve never in my life been described as any form of “quiet”). I was about to experience the most inspiring & intriguing 45 minutes of my life as a parent (so far). I guess I’ll back up and explain how this all came about…

Back in September, my co-worker Melissa was attending a U of O football game (I know, I know… but I still like her anyway) and on the shuttle to the game she ran into Evan and his soon-to-be-wife, Alana. On that Monday Melissa came to me and said “I met Evan’s fiancé this weekend, she was lovely, outgoing and had the most unique eyes I’ve ever seen.” I looked at her for a minute, wondering if she was going where I thought she was… “I think she has the same eyes as Olive. I think you should go talk to him.” After a few rounds of figuring out how to bring it up to someone that I’ve barely said ‘Hello’ to, I was off and running… and he was off on his honeymoon for a few weeks. Argh. I checked out all the photos in his cubicle, she was beautiful but she was wearing sunglasses in every photo. That made perfect sense. When he finally came back I fumbled through an uncomfortable conversation with him. I was really scared of offending him, and I think I was just about to until I told him about Olive. I asked if he would ask if his wife was willing to talk to me. I didn’t hear anything from him again. I approached him again a couple weeks ago and left my number with him, really hoping that she would call…

After getting through the start of the conversation, I explained what Olive had and learned that Alana has nearly the same thing. It sounds like there may be a few differences, but in general… they are pretty close. Close counts with a condition this rare. From here, I just asked her to tell me about her life, I could have listened to her for hours upon hours. The entire time I was talking to her, Olive sat on the floor, staring at me without moving or making a sound, it was like she knew something big was happening. With every word my heart getting lighter, letting go of fears that I didn’t even know I had. Alana told me that her vision is definitely affected but she can drive, she played sports, she loves to ski & snowboard, graduated from college & has a great career… The kids in school thought it was awesome, it was the first thing Evan noticed about her; she doesn’t like fireworks and can’t see 3D. Trivial things to most people, but I went to bed and slept soundly, for the first time in exactly 10 months & 19 days.

Alone

2012-01-12T12:04:00.001-08:00

The last couple posts I’ve written were pretty upbeat and feel-good-ish… I don’t expect that this one will turn out that way, unfortunately.

I’m just really struggling within myself lately. Each time I’ve been through one of these surgeries I get myself into a bit of a “funk” from being sidelined and also because constant pain isn’t super easy for me to deal with. I am getting a bit bored of just sitting around, watching TV and putting away laundry. Monday I got myself upstairs and made a new bag, I was really excited to be sewing again but I hurt so bad afterward that I had to take some pretty serious drugs to just get the pain under control, I don’t think the new bag was worth it. Above the pain though, I just feel like I’m sitting back and life is happening all around me. I’m so lonely, sure I have my husband, kids and family members… but I really don’t have any friends nearby. I look at my older sister who has lots and lots of friends, most of them she made at work but I don’t work with many women, and none of them are near my age. There are groups to join for stay-at-home moms, but that isn’t me… Even if I wanted to join them, most meet during working hours. Not to mention that I can hardly be called a mother at this point in time since I’m unable to take care of my own children by myself.

Sean has been taking great care of the kids, but he hasn’t been able to get to do any duck hunting this season. That is really getting to me… I know that most people say “Oh, there is always next year.” Or “It won’t kill him to not get to go hunting, big deal.” But, it is a big deal, it is to him. Duck hunting isn’t just an activity or sport to him, it really is his life. Sean is really concerned that this will be the last year that his dad will be able to hunt with him, and I took that away from him. I can’t help but feel like at some point down the road I’m going to look back and think that this period of my life was the beginning of the end. Although he hasn’t said anything of the sort, I can feel this silent resentment growing towards me. I called everyone I could think of that might be able to help me out over the weekend so that he could get away but everyone was busy. After I hung up from the last call, he didn’t say another word the entire night, he was so disappointed. And I don’t blame him at all, not even a little tiny bit. I just don’t know what to do to make things better, if there is anything at all.

Sorry for the pity party post… but I need to get all this stuff off of my chest. And also, I wouldn’t hate it if someone had a suggestion or two for me.

This

2011-12-28T09:27:00.001-08:00

This morning I looked at the calendar and remembered that it’s almost my old college boyfriend’s birthday. We will be camping over the weekend so I decided I’d give him a call… of course I had to google his workplace for a phone number since I didn’t have that anymore. I was actually kind of nervous, I felt like I was in high school again calling a cute boy. Not like I was a happily married mother of 2 calling an old friend. Funny. Anyway, I think he was pretty surprised to hear from me but it was fun to catch up real quick. (Before anyone gets all “what are you thinking!” on me, my husband knows all about the old boyfriend and even stated: he’s totally cool, I guess I can see why you dated him” It’s all good. Sean is all good.

He is probably on my mind because when we were dating he took me on all kinds of extreme sports adventures; I spent more of our relationship in a cast than out of one (no joke). After a fateful day of mountain bike racing with him, I had a very badly broken shoulder, full of pins… the same shoulder that needed the repair I just had.

Anyway, this post isn’t really about him… the whole thing just got me thinking about how different things are now. I’m a grown-up, a real live grown-up. It feels like in the blink of an eye I went from a twin bed, studio apartment, top ramen and all night cram sessions to two homes, mortgages, a (wonderful) husband, career, beautiful girls and driving an SUV. In a lot of ways I’m very proud of what I’ve accomplished, in other ways… I’m a little sad. You work your tail off to get somewhere and then one day suddenly notice “I’m there, this is it.” I know that I won’t have any more babies, I probably won’t ever buy another home… these are good things, but they are still kind of… I don’t know if sad is the right word, maybe “affecting” or “poignant” are better.

If my life ended today, would I look down at it and feel proud of what I accomplished? Yes, definitely. If I could go back and change the way I did certain things? Of course (Insert Darius Rucker Song This right now…). I suppose at this point is when we turn our focus to our children and start working to make sure that they have all those moments that my husband and I have been fortunate enough to have experienced. That is what it’s all about, isn’t it? (Well, and looking good in your new jeans while you’re doing it.)

This is What I Love

2011-12-23T09:44:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of the holidays, I thought I’d share some of the things that are making me happy right now, in no particular order:

*That almost-too-big-for-her-face smile that Baby Olive is rocking these days.

*My job and all my wonderful co-workers.

*Each day when Natalee asks me “Mommy, is it one day closer to Christmas?”

*My iPhone.

*Grandparents who are always happy to give us a break.

*My sister, because she is more a part of me than anyone else on the earth (like it or not!).

*That Sean got out of bed last night to go tell Natalee how much he loved her (when he thought I was asleep).

*Baby Olive sleeping all night long.

*Our Christmas tree, it’s the only thing Natalee asked for this year.

*Music that makes you want to sing along.

*My husband, even with all his quirks, I wouldn’t change a single thing about him.

*Christmas cookies, ~~imperfectly~~ creatively decorated by kids.

*Hot Starbucks on a cold morning.

*Afrin, seriously… how did I survive so many colds without it?

*Grandma Olive, what’s not to love?

*Those moments when you think “Oh my, I’m turning into my mother” and then you smile about it.

*Shelly… ok, and Holly too. She is finally pleasant to have around.

*A warm, comfortable home.

*The burden of too many people to visit on Christmas day.

*Needing smaller clothes, it's a great "problem" to have.

*Heated blankets.

*All my friends and family, especially the ones that leave comments:-)

What are you loving these days?

Here and Now

2011-12-22T11:45:00.001-08:00

Hold on to your hat… this is going to get random.

I think this is the first year since I was a little kid that I’m not all “Grinch-y” and I’m actually enjoying the holiday season. When you ask Natalee what she wants for Christmas she always answers “A tree” so we got it up around the 2^nd of the month and she just loves to look at it. The houses with lights are fascinating to her; the excitement is palpable and makes it hard to not get excited about the season.

I just booked a waterfront RV spot for New Year’s. That will be a lot of fun. Usually, Sean is always duck hunting over New Year’s, but since I’m still unable to do much, we will spend the holiday together. I’m excited to get to the coast; we will do some crabbing off the dock… Natalee will get a kick out of that. Hopefully she can ride her bike and we can fly a kite. These things are exactly why we decided to buy a trailer! You should join us, it will be great!

Our computer died (again)… isn’t it awesome when that happens? It is especially great at Christmas when we have tons of extra money (you picked up on the sarcasm, right?). I just hope I can get the pictures that aren’t backed up yet. Then I hope to use the thing for target practice.

I’m back to work, part time. Working part time totally kicks ass. 8 am to noon? Yes please! I wish I could do this every day and still get paid full time. What was that? No, not everyone wishes they could do that. While I was off, my biggest accomplishment was watching The Good Wife from the first episode of season one all the way up to the current one. It’s my new favorite show. Totally love it. Do you watch it? I kind of want her to get back together with Peter all of a sudden…

I’ve lost almost 40 pounds since we started Weight Watchers… I need some new clothes in the worst way; hopefully there are a couple things in Santa’s bag for me to wear.

That’s all for now, folks. I’ll be back sometime soon… promise. Until then, have a wonderful holiday season, stay safe and warm and enjoy the food!

Miss Me?

2011-12-03T16:52:00.001-08:00

Wow... I officially made it through the entire month of November without a single post. Aren't you all lucky?

The month started off pretty awesome, I spent 4 days in Las Vegas with one of my best friends, Kelly. It was great to just hang out and catch up, oh and sleep all night long. Kelly was also nice enough to not wake me up in the mornings. It was basically like heaven.

We spent one evening on the Strip just walking, people watching and enjoying the lights and everything that is "Vegas."

Then we went to The Hoover Dam, my nerdy engineer gears were spinning like crazy. It was so crazy impressive. Then I made Kelly walk over the bridge. She wasn't super excited as she says she doesn't even like to drive over it, I asked if we could bungee jump off of it (no, they don't allow that... bummer).

Can you see how teeny tiny the cars are, for perspective? You probably have to zoom in to even see them.

Proof that it is possible to be in two places at once.

So, after a great trip.... it was time to head home. I had one day at work and then my surgery. That totally sucked, but at least Dr. Yummy was part of that plan. The bad news: He definitely saw me naked because I was in a different shirt after surgery then when I went in.

I told him I was taking his picture for my blog, I think he thought I was joking. Next appointment I'll tell him he's an internet sensation.

Oh, but I did get a little crafty. They told me to bring an old t-shirt that could be cut up the back, I would be wearing it for 4 days. So I cut a t-shirt myself, put a snap at the neck and then sewed on ribbons up the back so it could be tied shut. The staff thought it was great, I thought it was awesome that my shirt actually stayed on that long. I guess with enough pain and enough drugs, you worry a little less about that stuff.

After surgery, my mom took my picture. Luckily she took good care of me so I still like her. I've spent the last few weeks recovering slowly, watching The Good Wife on DVD and trying to figure out how to dry my hair with only one hand (I put the hair dryer in the towel holder, works awesome). The bad part is that I can't hold Baby Olive or take care of her at all... the good news is that I also can't do laundry, make dinner or help with the dishes. You win some, you lose some.

Alright, it took me about 2 hours to type this with 1 hand so I'm going to get back to my TV, I think Tori & Dean are waiting for me on my DVR.

Ouch

2011-10-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! This post isn’t about Halloween at all, but how freaking cute are all the little kids in their costumes? Oh my! My boss brought in his kids, his daughter was a ladybug (always a cute choice) and his son was a gorilla complete with gorilla butt on the costume. I almost died. Another co-worker brought in his little Elmo. Love them all. I can’t wait to get pictures tonight of my girls when we trick-or-treat with my niece and nephew. We are just going to the little shopping center in town, I don’t think Natalee is ready for door-to-door quite yet.

Back to me, that’s what this place is all about after all. So, remember way back when I said all the guys here were doing push-ups and they sucked me in? While we were doing them my shoulder started to hurt but I figured it was because I had been lazy for so long. I took a little break and then got back to it, more hurting. I started seeing my trainer: lots and lots of pushups, more hurting. I finally went to see a doctor, he told me it was likely a partially torn rotator cuff and prescribed physical therapy. It kept getting worse and worse so I finally went back. Dr. Bad ordered an MRI and had me come back. After the MRI he said that I had a bone spur and it needed to be cleaned up with a quick surgical procedure. I’d be back at it in a few weeks. I mentioned it to some people at work, people that I really trust, and they were horrified that I had gone to see Dr. Bad and even more horrified that I’d let him operate on me. I was a little surprised since he had done a great job repairing my ankle a few years back. But, the doubt was in my head so I called up a local shoulder specialist. He is supposed to be very good and I didn’t even think I could get in to see him. I talked to them and sent over my MRI and they said that they would talk with him and get back to me. I got a call just a few hours later; they said “Dr. Wonderful would really like to see you this week.” So I went in, he walked in the door and the first thing I thought was “Wow, he is really good looking!” and then I thought “Wow, he is really young!” The first thing he said is “I am so glad you came in to see me…” it turns out that Dr. Bad was about to do the wrong surgery on me. It really wouldn’t have hurt anything, but it wouldn’t have fixed anything either. At this point, I am in so much pain I am barely functioning day to day. Dr. Wonderful will be repairing a 360 degree torn labrum (the labrum is what holds the shoulder in the socket, as I understand it. Right now I can pull my shoulder out of joint and any given moment) and he will be removing a portion of my collar bone since it is bone on bone and most of the bone is deteriorated. It will be a long hard recovery (and I probably won’t be able to type much for a while, so don’t be offended if I can’t comment on your blogs. I will be reading them!), but I can’t wait to feel better. Surgery is on the 16^th… right after I get back from visiting my friend Kelly in Vegas!

I will be off work for 3 weeks, keep me entertained via email, FB & Twitter, ok? Also, send me movie or TV on DVD recommendations. I think I will sign up for the Blockbuster by Mail thing. I am thinking of renting ‘Big Love’ was that a good show? Also, I will try to take a picture of Dr. Wonderful before my surgery, I hope he doesn’t see me naked or anything…

5 Question Friday!

2011-10-28T07:33:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that it’s Friday… aside from the obvious reason, my mom will be back from Vacation today. I hate when she is out of the country and I can’t talk to her whenever I want. She has been in Aruba and my Dad has been in Hawaii, I have been an orphan for the last two weeks… OK, let’s get started on today 5QF.

1. Do you prefer cotton, silk, or flannel sheets?

Oh, we are big fans of fleece sheets in our house. If I could devote my life to an inanimate object, it would totally be fleece sheets. We only have one set (in every size), so we wash and wear… wash and wear. It might be time for a second set.

2. What time zone are you in?

Pacific… although it seems like all the rest of the blogosphere is in the Eastern time zone. I like to think that is why I always feel 3 hours behind.

3. What is your favorite part of the holiday season?

I’m not huge on Christmas and all the commercial stuff that comes with it, but I do love the atmosphere. It’s cold out, fires are burning and people are generally cheery (unless they are shopping, of course). I also love love love the time with my family, there is just something different and better about family time around Christmas. This year all of our gifts will be handmade. Money is tight, but I also think that handmade gifts are much more special.

4. What is your favorite "wintry" drink? (It doesn't have to be an "alcoholic" drink!)

I totally love Caramel Apple Spice from Starbucks, but it is like a million (ok, 10) points. It is good, but not good enough to give us 1/3 of my points for the entire day.

5. In your opinion, what is the worst job in the world?

We were just talking about this yesterday. My Co-worker said it’s the guy that drives the mobile drug testing van, I think it’s the guy that cleans out the port-a-potties. I don’t even care to walk in there, I can’t even imagine having to clean it and then have to drive around a truck full of all the stuff you just sucked out of them. Yuck!

That is all for today, folks… Have a wonderful Friday and an even better weekend!

Picture This...

2011-10-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I did something I haven’t done in a very long time, almost an embarrassing amount of time… I took out my camera. The weather was gorgeous and my sister brought her kids over so we took a few with them. On Sunday we headed out to a family members duck club to take a some pictures and got a few great shots. I just wish we had someone there to get some pictures of all of us (we did get two shots with the self timer).

So, after far too long without pictures to show you…

All three above were from last weekend at the pumpkin patch

Natalee loves her cousin Kellen

This is pretty much the best way to get them all to stay still for a picture

She is, generally, a pretty happy baby (finally!)

Self timer semi-success

That is Holly in the front, isn't she big now??

I think this one is adorable!

In case you're wondering, yes... I made their outfits. I couldn't find anything in the right colors in their sizes that didn't cost a small fortune.

What was I just saying?

2011-10-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

Remember when I said that I was totally rocking this single parent thing? Well, that’s over.

I’m officially and the end of my rope. Mostly because I’m exhausted… Olive got up four times last night, I think she is getting some new teeth. Or she just hates me already.

We also have that dumb dog. The night before she woke me up about 5 times. I may have sent a text to Sean that read: “I f*cking hate your dog. Seriously.” I used to send him ones like “I love you” and “Have a great day” but not anymore.

He is also leaving town this weekend to go hunting. I was supposed to go visit a very good friend next month in Las Vegas but it got shut down because of money. The funny thing? That ticket cost the exact same amount as one hunting license.

None of this is Sean’s fault, but I’m sick of it. He offered to try to get onto a job that is closer to home… but far enough away that he’d have to leave by 5 am and probably wouldn’t get home until 7:30 every night. At least with this project I have him home on Fridays.

Last weekend I stopped at the mall. I didn’t buy anything but I tried on some jeans… mostly because I was curious about what size I am now. Uh, that would be between a 4 and a 6. It was a nice bright shiny spot in my weekend. I wish I was rich so I could buy a whole bunch of them. All of my other jeans can be pulled off without unzipping them. This leads me to my next complaint: I want to eat an entire loaf of bread, and then maybe some French fries and wash it down with a bowl of ice cream. Luckily, that little tiny number tasted a lot better than any of those snacks.

Oh… here is a picture of Sean from last weekend. Yes, those chickens tasted even better than they look:

Did you watch this week’s ‘Parenthood’ yet? I love that show. If you didn’t cry then you have no heart.

I want to make minestrone soup this weekend. Do you have a good recipe for that?

Nonsense

2011-10-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I made a new purse, it is adorable. It is very “fall festive.” Sean isn’t so sure about it. Yesterday I went with him to a doctor appointment and we had a conversation that went like this:

Sean: “I don’t really know about that purse.”

Me: “What do you mean? I love it!”

Sean: “It’s just too big…”

Me: “It’s perfect, I have kids.”

Sean: “What does that have to do with anything?”

At that moment, the nurse calls his name and we start to walk back to the exam room.

Nurse: “Oh, I love your purse!”

Me: “Thank you, Sean just told me it was ugly”

Sean: “I did not say ugly, I said it was too big!”

Nurse: “Well you have kids, right?”

I laughed, Sean shook his head and announced that all women conspire together. The nurse… she asked for the pattern to my super awesome purse.

I made my co-worker pose with it, mostly because I'm wearing grey and hot pink today so it really didn't match well.

Here is the pattern, in case you’re thinking “that bag is perfect, especially because I have kids!” I used Amy Butler home décor fabric. The bag is awesome, but it is kinda heavy even when it’s empty because it is made of heavy-ish weight fabric and is also canvas lined.

I Can't Think of a Good Title...

2011-09-29T08:29:00.001-07:00

This morning I went to Starbucks to get some coffee (big shocker there!) and someone pulled into the handicap parking spot (with a permit), which is fine, except that three people who appeared perfectly healthy and able bodied hopped out and went in to get their coffee and pastries… that drives me completely insane. I work with a woman who has a handicap permit and often parks in one of the two available handicap spots here… in my opinion, if you are well enough to do either Zumba or Kick Boxing every night of the week, you probably don’t need to be taking a spot away from someone who is truly unable to get around.

Last night I made pumpkin bread… it smelled (and tasted) like yummy fall deliciousness. Except that every time I make it, it gets a little overdone on the bottom… not burned but just over done. Should I try lower temp and longer cook time?

I wrote a letter yesterday regarding wages that Sean didn’t get paid from a State Job back in April. I was angry and frustrated that the person “helping” me was on vacation again. So I decided to send it to her boss, but Amie convinced me to aim higher… so I sent it to my senators and my congressman. I was shocked when I got a call from Senator Jeff Merkley’s office only 3 hours later telling me that they were going to do what they could to help us out. I always thought writing to your senators was like shouting from a rooftop: it probably makes you feel better but doesn’t actually accomplish anything. My opinion is changing.

Sean is coming home tonight. I can’t wait to have him back for a couple days but I’m happy to report that we are actually settling into a very nice routine. I am going to survive the next 3 weeks just fine!

At daycare yesterday, Natalee and her friend Grace were talking about boats… Natalee said to Grace “But, my daddy’s boat can swim under water!” I choked on my lunch when I read that (my daycare provider sent me a text to tell me). It is amazing the things that they pick up on!

That’s all for now… what are YOU up to?

Eye See You & Other Random Thoughts

2011-09-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

Oh my… what day is today? Tuesday? Sounds like a good day to spew out a bunch of random stuff.

First off… Olive’s eyes! We went back up to the big hospital on Friday (note to self: never schedule a 3:30 Friday appointment in the city). The doctors were thrilled with her progress, they said that she is doing and seeing much better than anticipated. I’m not all that surprised as she is really showing us how much she can see lately. In December we will go back and have her eyes dilated again so that they can get an idea of her prescription. The doctor said that was most likely just going to be for their own knowledge and to see how things have progressed since she was last dilated in May. I really couldn’t be any more excited about this news.

Last week Sean got laid off at work. They told him that he didn’t need to worry about being out of work anymore (which is why we finally decided to buy the trailer) so this came completely out of left field. It is only for a month or so, but in the mean time they told him that he could go work on a job in Coquille. His first response was “Where the hell is Coquille?” and after we worked out that it was about 4 hours away in a town with absolutely nothing to offer, we decided that there really was no other choice than to go there to work. So, he packed up the trailer and off he went Sunday night.

Here is the thing: None of this is his fault and I don’t blame him for a second… but I hate that he is gone. I hate that I’m left with 2 kids and 2 dogs and a house to take care of alone. I hate that the thought of getting off work makes me almost panic with anxiety over how I’m going to do it all. I am a crazy mixture of angry and jealous over his situation. Before he left he asked if he could take Shelly (our older dog), I told him there was no way he was taking the one piece of calm that was going to be left in the house. We decided that he would take Holly (the “puppy”) and then he could train her after work… but just before he left I said “Aren’t you taking Holly?” and he replied “No, she is too much work.” I almost lost my mind at that moment. Last night, while expertly juggling all of my “household” duties, he called and told me that he managed to get 60 cable channels to come in… I nearly hung up on him. Like I said: Not his fault, but OHMYGAWD I’m drowning here!! Natalee woke me up THREE TIMES last night to tell me that she was going to go to the bathroom and then Olive got up at 4 this morning. Now, I know that I CAN do it all… but I don’t want to. I didn’t sign up to do this all alone and it sucks. He will be back Thursday night for the weekend… I am counting down the hours.

Is that too much whining? Sorry… I’m in a whiney sort of mood today. In better news: I made this awesome dinner last night (thanks Tracee for the link!). I think my crock pot will be getting a workout this month. Send me your Weight Watchers friendly recipes if you have any (I don’t care if the points are calculated… just nothing that is super bad for you).

Fat Ass Friday

2011-09-16T06:50:00.000-07:00

It’s Friday… Hell Yeah! Actually, it’s Wednesday but Sean and I are out in the wilderness in our beautiful new trailer, with no kids on an elk hunt. So, hopefully this will auto post like it is supposed to. (If you are planning on robbing my house when I’m gone, don’t. The kids are there with some adult supervision.)

Well, last week we didn’t go to Weight Watchers. We spent the weekend before at Sean’s parent’s house, and they have some seriously good snacks there. I got a cold on Sunday looked in the pantry where I found some of those pink & white animal cookies. I grabbed a handful and texted Sean that we were skipping Weight Watchers because I didn’t feel good and I needed to eat. Apparently, that meant “Game On” and we had pizza and ice cream and pretty much whatever for a couple of days. Yesterday we were both pretty scared to go weigh-in. It didn’t really help that my sister was doing her training there. I didn’t let her weigh me, but she was sitting right next to the girl that did. Not to worry though… I lost 3.8 pounds! I am thrilled. Sean lost 4 and he is also pretty excited.

This brings me to a total of 26.2 pounds lost. I feel great and I can’t believe how well things are going.

Sean has lost a total of 27 pounds since we started WW. He has lost almost 40 since his peak weight last year. He doesn’t even look like the same person. I’m so proud of him!

I’m linking up with Brandy for Fat Ass Friday (if things go according to plan anyway), won’t you head on over and join me?

I Am A Warrior

2011-09-13T07:38:00.000-07:00

I am NOT a runner… I’m pretty sure that I’ll never be a runner, mostly because I hate running. I work with a bunch of guys that are totally into running, or they are into beating each other so they all try to run farther and faster than the next guy (remember the push-up competitions? It’s still going on. I quit after a torn rotator cuff and realizing that I didn’t have enough testosterone to win.)

Anyway, last year these guys signed up for the Warrior Dash, but I was pregnant so I couldn’t participate. This year they talked me into doing it, and I talked Marni into doing it with me (since I would not be able to keep up with them.) Marni finally agreed after a lot of begging on my part. Once we got there, she swore at me… A LOT.

I guess I should explain the Warrior Dash. It is described as “3.18 Hellish Miles” with obstacles:

1. Deadweight Drifter – basically going through chest-deep water and over spinning logs

2. Road Rage – running through tires and over wrecked cars;

3. Great Warrior Wall – scaling a wall with a rope;

4. Rubber Ricochet – running through hanging tires;

5. Deadmans Drop – climbing a wall and going over the other side;

6. Chaotic Crossover – climbing across a net made of rope (this one made the quads burn, I was actually a little thankful for all the damn squats my trainer makes me do);

7. Barricade Breakdown – “hurdle” over barricades and crawl under barbed wire (this was definitely my least favorite);

8. Satan’s Steps – Basically uneven and unsteady platforms, you have to jump from one to the next all the way across;

9. Assassin’s Escape – go up steps and down a fireman pole (I was disappointed that Marni didn’t do this one upside down);

10. Cargo Climb – go up cargo nets;

11. Warrior Roast – leap over flames; and finally

12. Muddy Mayhem – crawling under barbed wire in the mud.

We were freaked out, seriously. But we decided that we had driven all that way so we were going to give it a try. About halfway through we were both saying “Next year, G and Sean have got to do this with us!” It was so much fun. And, we didn’t even come in last place. That is a big accomplishment. We would have been even faster if we hadn’t stopped along the way to take pictures of each other and the obstacles. One of the very most impressive feats of the day was the fact that Marni kept her camera in her bra in a Ziploc and it didn’t get ruined. Ziploc should totally sponsor her.

After it's all over, we jumped into this beautiful pond to clean off...

Another impressive feat: I did the whole thing with a still-torn rotator cuff. I think my rehab took about 16 steps backwards, but I don’t care. I had a great time and accomplished something I never thought I could do!

Also, my shoes came clean in the wash... they look like brand new still!

5 Question Friday!

2011-09-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, I’m beat. Like, tired to the bones… Lots of people like to tell me how “good” we have it with Olive, but exactly none of those people have actually lived in our home. She is definitely getting better, but still hours upon hours of screaming almost every night. We tried switching her to soy formula thinking that maybe she was lactose intolerant. It didn’t seem to make things any better or worse. So, finally… after resisting medication for a long time, we are trying some Zantac twice a day. She absolutely hates it. She spits and gags when we give it to her. We are on day 3, things seem a little better but that could still be in our minds as we search desperately for something to help. Now she has stopped sleeping through the night. (Blogger hates my iPhone photos... sorry!)

In happier, more fun news: Natalee started preschool. She LOVED it, when I dropped her off she was like “See ya later mom!” and I walked out with a couple other dejected mothers, all of us expecting more resistance to our departures but glad that our kids seem to be pretty well adjusted.

This was also a great excuse to sew her a new backpack! (Again, iPhone photos... grrr!)

Sunday is the Warrior Dash… please pray that I survive. On my way out yesterday my trainer said “I’d wish you luck, but I don’t believe in it and you’ve totally got this!” That statement made me feel much more confident.

1. What ringtone do you have on your cell phone?

That depends on who is calling… for most people it is “Dirt Road Anthem” by Jason Aldean. When my mom calls it is “We Weren’t Born to Follow” by Bon Jovi. When Sean calls it is R.O.C.K. in the USA by John Mellencamp. I like to change them up all pretty regularly.

2. What is your favorite memory from this summer?

As it is every year… it will probably be when it’s finally over. Actually, it is probably getting our new trailer. Sean and I left after work, drove overnight to Boise, ID got there at 3 am, slept in our car for 3 hours then went to meet our new trailer. After about 3 years of looking it is strange to finally have it in our backyard. It was also strange to spend that much money on something without ever putting eyes on it. It was all done over the phone.

3. Paper books or ebooks?

I’m a big fan of the Kindle app on my iPad, but there really is nothing quite like an actual book.

4. If you could have one home upgrade what would it be and why?

A bigger laundry room. Oh my gosh, I would just love to have a full on mud room… and if anyone needs one, it’s our family. I definitely see this upgrade in our (not-too-distant future).

5. When was your first serious boyfriend/girlfriend?

College… Freshman year, Corley McFarland. I was so in love with him, but like so many other things… it just didn’t work out. Not to worry though, I ended up pretty damn happy! (I think he did too, but I haven’t heard from him in quite a while.)

That’s all I got today, check out Mama M for more Friday fun!

5QF: It's been too long

2011-09-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how long it has been since I’ve done a 5 Question Friday, but it sounded like fun this morning… so here I am.

Before we start that though, can I get a “Hell Yes!” to the fact that it is no longer August? It’s no secret how much I despise summer so September 1 is always an exciting time for me (and yes, I realize that summer isn’t actually over until September 21 but I commemorate early). This year I celebrated by dying my hair DARK and getting hot pink highlights. It looks so great, I totally love it. I wish that the months went something like this:

October

November

December

January

February

March

April

June and then back to October again. I only threw in June so that there was a month when I was like “Yep, this is why I hate summer, I have to keep some perspective.

Alright, lets get on with 5QF already!

1. Shoes in the house - yay or nay?

Well, I’m not one of those people that has a sign at the front door to take your shoes off or anything like that. I don’t really care if you wear them in my house but I prefer to have them off. I don’t think you can ever really be comfortable with shoes on.

2. What do you call them- flip flops, slippers, thongs, etc?

Flip flops… my mother-in-law went into a store recently and asked where the thongs were and they took her to the underwear department. I honestly wish I could have been there to see that entire exchange.

3. What song are you almost embarrassed to admit you know all the lyrics to?

I’m not embarrassed about any of them… I love all sorts of music, but if I had to pick it would probably be something like “Ice Ice Baby” or “Informer” (By Snow, do you remember that song? I must have a thing for white rappers.)

4. What is the best quality to have in a friend?

Um, they should probably like me. I mean, I can be a lot to handle so the friends that I have are pretty spectacular. Also, you have to be willing to laugh at me, right to my face because I will probably do it to you too. If that bothers you then we won’t last too long.

5. Do you know what you want for Christmas?

Yes! I want a new heated throw blanket. My last one stopped getting warm. Sean thinks a blanket that plugs in is the most ridiculous invention of all times, I think it is brilliant. I saw them on the shelves at Bi-mart recently so I know they are available and would be so great in the new RV. (Hello, Mom… are you listening??)

Head on over and visit Mama M for more 5QF fun!

Bright Light

2011-08-18T08:07:00.001-07:00

I have some good news to share!!

Last week we took Olive back to the eye doctor. They did their normal array of tests and said that her "bad" eye has improved from 20/600 to 20/360 in about 3 weeks. Her "good" eye hasn't changed and is still 20/270. The fact that her "bad" eye has improved so rapidly and to a level very similar to her "good" eye tells the doctors that there is a bit of hope that she may end up with "nearly normal" vision in her left eye (the "good" one). The vision she does have in her right eye is really only in the lower part of her peripheral vision. We believe that the location and size of the Coloboma is blocking most of her central vision in the right eye. We are hoping that with continuing to patch the left eye, her brain will start to "fill-in" the pieces that are missing. If the vision in her left eye does develop to nearly-normal, I think that will help her brain to fill-in those gaps as well.

We have new vision insurance at work (Olive's eye appointments are covered under medical, not vision) so I decided to go to the eye doctor as I have a heck of a time trying to read street signs. I got some new glasses (I can't wait until they are here, so cute!) and we decided that Natalee should have her eyes checked too, just to be sure that her eyes were formed properly. Her eyes look totally normal, but so does Olive's left eye. Anyway, they said she is a bit farsighted, but nothing to be concerned about yet. She was a total trooper having her eyes dilated and everything on the inside of her eyes looks perfect. What a relief!

Natalee saw a different doctor than I did, but same clinic. I told my doctor about Olive and she apparently told the other doctor about it. He kept walking over to see Olive and talk to her but she was wearing her sunglasses. Finally he said "So, I hear she has a Coloboma…" I said yes and let him squirm a while because I knew he wanted to see it. After a bit I said "Oh, did you want to look?" "Oh, I'd love to!" so I showed him and asked him if he sees very many of them… He said "Well, no… this is the first one I've actually got to see." So, I guess it is pretty rare. I asked about glasses for her, he said that some Colobomas respond well to glasses and some don't at all. We just won't know until we can get a better idea of what she actually sees and how it is affecting her. My friend Christin's little girl just got glasses and they are the CUTEST.THING.EVER. It makes me hope Olive gets to wear glasses just to be that adorable.

Fat Ass Friday

2011-08-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

*This was set to auto publish yesterday and it didn't work. So dumb.
Finally Friday!! Yay!
The other good news? Weight Watchers is working! We were both really nervous about our weigh in this week because we spent last weekend at the lake, and you know how lake weekends go. But, we tried to be really good (even though Sean's friend made Guacamole, yum!). Despite the lake, I lost 1.8 pounds this week for a total of 18 pounds lost and only 2 pounds to my goal weight. Sean says I should set higher (lower?) standards for myself, I guess I'll see how these next two pounds go. I'd really love to lose 10 more, but that is probably not all that realistic.
Sean lost 3.2 pounds for a total of 20 pounds lost. He hasn't set a goal weight yet, but he is thinking maybe 10 more pounds. I am so proud of him, and to be honest, I'm proud of me, too. I'm actually loving the process of getting dressed and I bought a bikini this year, something that I never ever thought I'd do again in this lifetime. Even better- I found it on clearance.
Time to go meet my ~~torturer~~ trainer. Go visit Brandy and join in!

Real

2011-08-03T08:28:00.001-07:00

It's time to get a little bit honest here… I'm struggling. Things with Olive are getting a little more real, a little less maybe or someday.

From the time that Olive was born and we learned that she had something wrong with her eyes, we have said "Well, she may not be able to see… but she probably will." And as much as you say that, I don't know if you ever really realize that she may not see. Her vision is almost fully developed and it isn't good. She is about 20/300 in her "good" eye and about 20/600 in her "bad" eye. (Babies are usually born with vision about 20/400 and at 6 months it has improved to roughly 20/25).

I've become aware of how much impact this may have on her life and ours as well.

When I go to the driver side of the car to get her out she does not respond to me, but when I go to the passenger side she laughs and smiles at me. Not coincidentally, that corresponds with her "good" and "bad" side.

I went to Target to get a few things yesterday and decided that I wanted to get her a new toy. Something that lights up with lots of bring colors because she really enjoys those things when we go to the eye doctor. I couldn't find anything… I went online and found what I was looking from a company that makes toys for visually impaired children. The toys are about $4 but the shipping was about $12. Ridiculous. I just want a toy for my kid that she would enjoy but can't get it for any reasonable price.

Natalee was watching Dora yesterday and they were doing something with colors and shapes. How will I teach Olive those things? What about letters? How do I teach her that? Pretty much everything that we teach our young children is based on seeing those things.

I've heard that the most successful visually impaired adults are the ones that had parents who made them do everything that their siblings did too. Same chores, same activities, same expectations… But, I don't know where to even begin with those things. When she is old enough for school, will our local schools be able to accommodate her? Will she be teased if she is "mainstreamed" or will she thrive despite everything? Will we have to move to somewhere with better resources? Will Natalee resent any special help that Olive needs? How do I teach Natalee to be compassionate?

Fat Ass (almost) Friday

2011-07-28T07:06:00.001-07:00

OK, I'm a few weeks behind, sue me. (Although, this is early because I'm afraid of not getting to it tomorrow) I did actually write a post for last week and I even wrote it ahead of time! But, then I ended up working nights (and days, too)… I completely ran out of steam at about 2am Friday morning and didn't come in to work for the day. In fact, I didn't get out of bed until nearly 1pm and the post fell to the wayside. All this to say: there is a lot to update on today!

Weight Watchers is still going well, as of Tuesday I have lost a total of 15.8 pounds. I am only 4.2 pounds from my goal weight… which is coincidentally my high school weight! Holy crap, I'm going to have to update my driver's license. My mom always says that her license weight is more like a goal weight than her actual weight. (We might all be in trouble if they were searching for us… "That is definitely not her; we're looking for a skinny girl!) I had to go buy new cheap work jeans because my old ones pulled off without even unbuttoning them and Sean doesn't like me wearing designer jeans while playing in the mud and trenches at work, he also doesn't like the idea of my pants falling off while I'm there.

Sean has lost 18 pounds. He looks great… he is "winning." Whatever.

My friend Christin and her family are moving far far away… I am really excited for them and their new adventures. They have 3 little ones, 3, 2, and 4 months… I think their drive is about 2,000 miles. I'm not sure how long that will take but for me it would be about 10 Xanex, a handful of Ativan and maybe a few Valium thrown in there for good measure. Thankfully, she is a much better, and more patient, mother than I am.

I'm linking up with Brandy for Fat Ass Friday… join in!